In memoriam Al Haig

Al Haig,  supporter and defender of mass murder and torture, particularly in El Salvador.  He was what Ed Sanders calls a basmanophile,  a person who loves violence.  Here’s what I said about him at the time.

Al Haig and his dog, Junta

(Al Haig  is  walking  his  dog  Junta.   Al  wears  military clothing including stars on his arm and a general’s hat.  The dog may be played by an actor wearing a large  spiked  collar and perhaps some sort of fangs.   The  dog  is  viscious  and threatens the audience.  He snaps and barks  and  raises  his leg to piss on them.  Al, at the other end of  the  leash  is unconcerned.)

Al : Hi. I’m Al Haig, Vicar of Foriegn Affairs.   This  is  my dog, Junta.  He’s my friend.  And I believe in sticking by my friends. He makes me feel secure.  I  can  go  to  sleep  at night knowing no one will steal my El Salvador.  Yeah, he’s a strong dog, a good dog. He’s no pushover.  Aint that  right, Junta?

But of course there’ve been problems with  him.   People  are complaining that he’s  been  biting  innocent  people.   Some times he drags people off  and  no  one  knows  where.   They just–disappear.  ‘Course it’s all just  talk.   Yer  a  good boy, aintcha Junta?  A while back,  people  were  complaining
that he bit a bunch  of  nuns.   A  bunch  of  Holy  Sisters, imagine!  You wouldn’t do a thing like that,  wouldja  Junta? I’ll bet they did something foolish, like  try  to  run  from him.

They say he’s bit 20,000 people.  But  I  don’t  believe  it. They deserved it anyway, didn’t they Junta?

People say I ought to be more strict with him.  Put him on  a shorter leash, or have his fangs pulled.  But I  couldn’t  do that to my friend.  You gotta stick by your friend.   No,  it doesn’t matter what they say, he’s just my good dog Junta.

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4 Responses to “In memoriam Al Haig”

  1. Horace Gaims says:

    Obviously, Junta is a nice friendly mutt to some people. On he other hand, I wouldn’t trust him even with a dog biscuit.

  2. Teena says:

    Junta is too prickly. He has a problem with ego and self image.
    He needs hypnotheray, counselling and medication and if that doesnt help, out with his teeth!

  3. Chuck says:

    I’m a big sappy old dog lover from way back but here’s what I have to say about Junta….”shoot the bastard”…than have a nice party afterwards…

  4. Karen says:

    If you grew up with good ole’ Al, I don’t think you could turn into anything but Junta. Get him onto a sheep farm in New Zealand and off that leash with some friendly dogs for some “re-education”. You might see a miracle. However, it would be good to muzzle him at the start! If it fails, well, the yanking out all his teeth does solve the problem. ;-]

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